Let Me Out Of This Dream
by Im.losing.hope
Summary: Alec didn't out himself in the Hall Of Accords. Its been a few month's since the battle. Alec finally cracks under pressure, and breaks up with Magnus. Rated T R&R


_A/n: Okay, this is me.. writing another sad fanfic. I don't know whats wrong with me, but I always seem to get inspiration for sad things. _

_Anyway, this came from the song: Sleepwalker by Adam Lambert. I was telling my cousin, Ambur, that this would be a good song for Alec and Magnus if they ever broke up. Sad concept? Yes, very much so. Its just as sad as Alec dying or killing himself. _

_So, I hope you guys don't entirely hate me for this one :P_

_Stuff in _Italics _in the story are memories! Kay?_

_Third Person POV:_

Alec's chest constricted as he walked in the pouring rain back to the Institute. He didn't feel like himself. Not after what he done. He felt like a wanderer. Like he had no place to go.

The rain seemed to come down harder. He was thankful for the rain. It hid the tears that he shed. He felt lost. He felt like a little kid who just lost something important to them. He knew what he had done, was over with. He couldn't keep up with it. He couldn't lie to his parents anymore. No after what happened in Idris. They didn't deserve that.

Alec felt the lump in his throat get bigger. He tried to swallow it, but he chocked on it. A sob left his lips. He couldn't believe he let go the only person that made him so happy. He was an idiot for it.

_He walked to Magnus' after he had supper with his family. It was an awkward affair. It was quiet, and when one of his parents asked either him or Isabelle or Jace a question about something, their voices were taut and emotionless. Their responses were short and curt. _

_After Alec had eaten as much as he could stomach, and that had been very little, he laid down the napkin he was holding and turned to face his parents. _

_"Would it be okay, if I was excused?" He asked. _

_He knew he shouldn't be leaving, He knew his parents wanted to spend a little time with the three remaining Lightwood children. But he had to go out. He had to do, what he had to do. _

_"Must you go out, Alexander?" His mother said, quietly. _

_He inwardly flinched at her tone. Between that and her calling him 'Alexander' it was enough to make him guilty. _

_"Its kind of important" Alec admitted. _

_Robert sighed. "Go on Alec, we'll be up waiting for you"_

_Alec looked at his dad with a sad expression. They wouldn't know, the next time they saw him, his heart would be in tatters.. and someone Else's would be broken beyond repair. _

_He got up from his chair and walked out of the dining room and then out the door. It was slightly raining but he just ignored the coldness. He didn't deserve warmth, not after what he was going to do. _

_He walked in the light rain until he came to the familiar doorstep. He took out the sparkly purple key and unlocked the door. He stepped inside and climbed up the creaky stairs. He came to the first door and unlocked it. _

_When he walked inside the familiar apartment he was greeted with the sweet scent of his boyfriend. It was sweet, but with a spicy tint. It was hard to describe what it smelled like. Some days it smelled like exotic flowers, other days it would smell like vanilla and burning wood. _

_Magnus was draped across his hot pink couch, he seemed to be asleep. Alec's heart lurched at the pure, and natural beauty that Magnus seemed to radiate. Alec swallowed the lump that was beginning to form. He walked over to the couch and gently shook Magnus. _

_Magnus woke up. His gold-green eyes lighting up when he saw Alec in front of him. He sat up and stretched for a moment. He motioned for Alec to sit with him. Alec hesitated for a minute, but took a seat next to him anyway. _

_"Hello darling" Magnus purred. _

_"Hey" Alec replied sullenly. What he was about to do, seemed so vivid and surreal. _

_Magnus frowned at Alec's tone. _

_"Is there something wrong darling?" He asked. _

_Alec started to tear up, but quickly quelled the tears. He didn't want Magnus to see them. Didn't want to see him in a vulnerable state. _

_"Magnus, we need to talk" Alec breathed. _

_"About what?" Magnus said, cautiously. _

_"About us" Alec replied. _

_Magnus' frown became more pronounced. It was beginning to sound an awful lot like a.. _

_"Are you breaking up with me?" Magnus asked suddenly, with tears in his eyes. _

_Alec looked at him apologetically. He looked away, he couldn't bare see the hurt in Magnus' eyes. He knew he was the one who caused that pain and hurt. _

_"I'm sorry. But I have to. I cant keep living with all these lies" Alec whispered. _

_"There doesn't have to be lies, if you just tell your parents" Magnus pleaded. _

_"And where would that get me? Rejected by my parents and stripped of my marks" Alec said. _

_That was like a blow to his head with a hammer to Magnus. He couldn't believe that Alec cared more about that, then their relationship, then their love. Their everything. _

_"After everything we've been through, you still give me the same excuses" Magnus said with a wicked cruel smile. _

_"Because, its true!" Alec said a little louder._

_"Not its not true! You're just too scared of who you are and what people may think" Magnus yelled back. _

_Alec visibly flinched. He knew Magnus was right. He was terrified of himself and even more terrified of what people may think of him. Magnus stared at him for a few minutes. He seemed like he was contemplating something. _

_"If you're going to break up with me, please do me two final favors" Magnus said quietly. _

_"Anything" Alec breathed. _

_"Please, for the sake of you're family.. don't get yourself killed. It would devastate them even more" Magnus said. _

_Alec nodded. He knew that was probably right. _

_"And please, before you leave my life.. kiss me one last time"Magnus breathed. _

_Alec's heart stopped. He moved a little closer to Magnus, and Magnus did the same. Alec put his hands on the back of Magnus' neck and Magnus tilted Alec's head up with his forefinger. Their lips met in a a sad kiss. But it was sweet, nonetheless. _

So this is the end_, Alec had thought. _

_They stood there, connected in this intimate way for one last time. They didn't know who pulled away first, but soon enough they parted. Magnus' lips were slightly parted. He looked like he wanted to grab Alec and keep him in that apartment forever, but he knew that Alec had to leave. _

_"So, I guess this is goodbye" Magnus said tearfully. _

_"Yeah, I suppose so" Alec agreed. _

_Magnus leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on Alec's lips. Alec bolted from the apartment, before Magnus could see the tears that threatened to spill. _

That was how he got here. Walking home, alone, in the rain. With his heart in pieces. He tried to block out the sound of the faint crying he heard coming from Magnus' apartment as he left.

Alec took in a cold shuddering breath. He knew there would be no one else for him. Nothing could compare to the love that he had with Magnus.

As he walked, memories started to flit through his mind..

_It was a few days after the party. Alec had his phone in one hand and the crumpled piece of paper that had the Warlocks number on it. With shaky hands he dialed the number into his phone, and then pressed 'talk'. _

_The Warlock answered after three rings. _

_"I don't care who this is, but you better make it quick. You're interrupting my beauty sleep" The warlock said in an annoyed tone._

_"Uh, h-hi.. this is the shadowhunter from your party. Y-you told m-me, to c-c-call you" Alec stuttered. _

Good job Alec now he probably thinks you're a bumbling fool_, he had mentally scolded himself. _

_"Is this the one with the pretty blue eyes?" The warlock seemed to purr._

_"Y-yeah" Alec had said. _

_"I was waiting for your call.. you've kept me waiting" The warlock said. _

_"S-sorry" Alec replied. _

_"No need to worry darling. I'm just happy that you called after" The warlock said. _

_After that, the conversation was light and slightly awkward due to Alec's insistent stuttering. _

That had been one of Alec's favorite memories. The initial phone call that started the whole relationship. Another memory flitted through his mind, it was the time that he and Magnus spent their first afternoon together. It was also the day that Alec got his 'vampire bite'.

_Alec had been texting Magnus for the better part of the day. Alec was sure that at some point his head was going to explode from the amount of blood it was receiving. Alec's phone buzzed, indicating a new message. _

Do You wanna hangout with me?, _Magnus. _

_Alec blushed. His head was telling him that this could be a bad idea, but his heart was telling him that it was time to take some risks and go hangout with the gorgeous warlock. He hit the 'reply' button and started to type. _

Sure, when?, _Alec. _

_Alec didn't have to wait very long after he sent that message before another one came in. He opened the message, it read:_

Now, if you want. We can meet up in Central park and go from there, _Magnus. _

_Alec seemed to consider this. But he came up with a reply._

Sure. Meet you there in fifteen, _Alec. _

_Not even a minute later Alec got a new message._

Kay see you in a bit, beautiful, _Magnus. _

_Alec blushed at the end of the message. He got up from his bed and pulled on his black boots. He pulled on his favorite black to brown sweater and walked out into the hallway. He guessed that Izzy was in the kitchen, so he went down there. _

_When he walked through the doors to the kitchen, he was right. Izzy was at the stove string what he guessed was supposed to be soup. She looked up from the pot and smiled radiantly at him. _

_"Hey" She said. _

_"Hey, I'm going out. Kay?" He told her. _

_"Oh! Going to see _Magnus_ now are we?" She giggled. _

_"Please, don't tell anyone" He begged her. _

_"Oh puh-lease. Your secret is safe with me.. for now" She said, with a glint n her eyes. _

_He threw his little sister a mocking glare and walked out of the kitchen and down the hall, then out of the Institute. _

_He walked until he came to Central Park. It didn't take him long to locate Magnus. Because he shone like a disco ball. He walked over to the Warlock, who in return smiled happily at the Shadowhunter. _

_"Hey blue eyes" He said. _

_"I don't see why you must call me that" Alec sighed. _

_"Because, its a term of endearment, and plus your eyes are gorgeous" Magnus explained. _

_Alec blushed a violent red. Magnus' grin got wider. _

_"Aw, you are too cute" He cooed. _

_Alec rolled his eyes. Magnus grabbed his wrist and pulled him in an unknown direction. _

_"Hey! Where are we going" Alec protested. _

_"Darling, I said we were going to meet at Central, not that we were going to spend our afternoon there. We're going back to my apartment" Magnus winked. _

_"W-Wh-what!" Alec stuttered. _

_"Oh don't worry darling, I'm not going to go all villainy and steal your virtue!" Magnus said with a laugh. _

_Alec blushed even more. Soon they were at Magnus' apartment. this was the first time he been here without all the party goers and his family and the mundanes. Alec was hesitant. He could tell that Magnus was getting a little impatient, so he quickly walked inside. _

_"Welcome back to my humble abode" magnus chuckled._

_Alec looked around. It suited Magnus that was for sure. Now that the furniture was back in place and that he could see the paint on the walls. The couch was a hot pink. The armchairs were purple. There were orange and pink throw rugs that lay on the floor, and the walls were different shades of blue. _

_"Well, it does sure seem to suit you" Alec commented. _

_"Why thank you, darling!" Magnus said enthusiastically as he walked down the hall and disappeared into another room. _

_Alec stood there awkwardly until Magnus came back with two mugs, five minutes later. Alec looked at the mug he was given warily. _

_"Its not poison. Its just hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate sauce" Magnus said as he sat down on the couch, he patted the spot next to him. _

_Alec hesitated but sat down next to him. He kept a little distance between them. Magnus was looking at him expectantly. _

_"Go on, take a sip" He coaxed. _

_Alec sighed but brought the mug up to his lips, the hot drink tasted pretty good. It was sweeter than the black coffee he usually had and the whipped cream and chocolate sauce seemed to add more sweetness. He pulled the mug away from his mouth. _

_"Its pretty good" Alec said. _

_"Hmm?" Magnus said distractedly. _

_Alec noticed that magnus was staring intently at his face. Alec quirked an eyebrow at him. _

_"whats wrong? Do I have something on my face?" Alec said, while going to wipe his lips. _

_Magnus stopped him though. He scooted a little closer to Alec. With a snap of his fingers, their mugs vanished. _

_"Can I try something?" He asked. _

_"Depends what it is" Alec said, hesitantly. _

_"I just want to do something, that I've wanted to do when I first saw you at my party" Magnus whispered. _

_They were so close at this point. So close, that if one of them moved, their lips would be pressed up against each other. Magnus closed the remaining distance between them. Alec gasped and his eyes flew open for a minute. But he soon relaxed into the kiss. He put his hands at the back of Magnus' neck and held it gently. Magnus had his hands at Alec's hips. They moved their lips together in sync. Alec reveled in the new feelings that he was feeling. He never felt this way before. It was terrifying but exciting. _

_Magnus pushed Alec down gently onto the couch. Alec tensed up for a moment but relaxed. Magnus moved his lips away from Alec's but didn't break away from his skin. He kissed Alec's cheek, down to the underside of his jaw, and down his neck until he came to rest at the beginning of Alec's collarbone. He kissed and lightly bit the flesh there. Once he was sure he made a mark he sat up and placed a sweet and chaste kiss on Alec's lips. _

_He helped Alec up from the couch. Alec still in a daze checked his phone. for the time. He snapped out of daze and started to panic a little. He was gone out for a pretty long time, and he should have been getting home. _

_"I think I better head home" Alec said apologetically. _

_"Fine, if you must. But don't be a stranger, Shadowhunter" Magnus said as he walked Alec to the door. _

_Before Alec could walk out the door, Magnus stopped him and placed another heart stopping kiss on his lips. He pulled away and smirked lightly. _

_Alec walked home, more in a daze than ever before. _

Alec chuckled grimly at the memory. It had been kind of embarrassing when Jace had found the hickey on his neck. But that was quite a while ago.

He was too caught up in his thoughts to notice that he was already at the door to the Institute. He looked up and sighed heavily. He didn't want to go in, but he knew he had to. So with a heavy heart he opened the door, and bolted for the stairs.

He kept running until he came to his room. He flung open the door and ran inside, not before he closed the door though. He walked over to his night stand and picked up the picture of him and Magnus kissing. Magnus had taken it with a digital camera, and Alec didn't even notice at the time. When Magnus gave it to him though, it made him blush. But he kept it anyway.

Alec had intended to throw away this picture, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. So he put it in a box, along with other things that Magnus had given him and shoved it under his bed.

He then flopped down on his bed and let the tears flow. He cried and cried until it hurt to. He heard a knocking at the door.

"Alec? Its me Izzy, are you alright?" She asked in a worried tone.

"No" He chocked out.

"Can I come in?" She asked hesitantly.

"Okay" He sniffled.

She opened the door and her hands flew to her mouth. She had a shocked expression on her face. She stepped inside and closed the door. Then ran over to her brother and engulfed him in a tight embrace.

"Alec! What happened?" She whispered.

"I let go the only person who made me happy" He sobbed into Izzy's shoulder.

"Alec, why? Why would you do that?" Izzy asked. She knew what Alec meant.

"I just- actually I have no freaking clue" He said in a hoarse voice.

She sat there with him, letting him cry on her shoulder and vent about how he was an idiot for doing what he did. She had to admit, he was an idiot for breaking up with Magnus, and making both of them feel this kind of pain.

When he was done sobbing and crying, he started to yawn. Izzy laid him down on his pillows and covered him with the dark blue comforter.

The last thing he thought before drifting into unconsciousness, was..

Let me out of this dream.

_A/n: Okay darlings, I am so sorry for this. I know its terribly sad, but its my brain's fault for coming up with this. But, I hope you enjoyed it. I had to write in the dark and listen to a beautiful, sad song!_

_Anyway,_

_Review?_

_Chantelle xox_


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